Happiness

Don't you wish we could bottle up happiness in a can? Then when we needed a dose of happiness or to relive a special moment, all we would need is to open our cupboard and grab our can opener. Ta-da!

It is not always that easy. SOMETIMES, through all our external circumstances, happiness just HAS to come from WITHIN.

I am happy for grace readily available to me and to you!

 

I am happy for being able to spend Colin's 26th birthday with him on June 20th! We had a quiet day together, went out for lunch, and I made him tiramisu. In addition to going to the concert together last week, Colin is going to be getting his second tattoo- a cross on his back, with details relating to his profession of a police officer. Pictures to come!

I am happy for nature. The beauty of God's creations. The colors He gives us to see by.

I am happy for parrots. These videos will seriously make you happy.

I am happy for music. Anna Graceman, 11-years-old, singing Alicia Keys on America's Got Talent.

Anna singing Lexi's Lullaby, she wrote it after her baby cousin was born. So sweet.

Speaking of music...I am HAPPY because I have an interview on Thursday for a music therapy contract with Heartland Hospice of DePere, WI. SO excited. Please pray for my interview and that God erases my nerves!

Sending you happiness,
~Jessica

Goin' Coastal

Colin's 26th birthday is on June 20th, just over a week away. Colin has recently gotten into the Zac Brown Band, a country music group. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I decided to look up when they may be touring Wisconsin. They just so happened to be performing as part of Kenny Chesney's Goin' Coastal 2011 tour June 11th, which was yesterday. Kenny used to be Colin's favorite singer--like, he's got NINE of his cds. SO, I decided to SURPRISE him with ground floor tickets as an early birthday present!! I kept it a secret for about a week, right up until the day before. I am good.

The concert was at Lambeau Field! It was the first concert EVER hosted at the famous Green Bay Packers field. It was very special, and coach Mike McCarthy even came out onto the stage holding the Lombardi trophy in the middle of Kenny's act. Glory was in the air.  Packer jerseys, a green and gold knit beanie, and even a cheesehead were worn by some members of the bands.

The opening act was Uncle Kracker (Follow Me, Drift Away, Smile). He teamed up later with Kenny on When the Sun Goes Down and Kid Rock's Cowboy, among others.



The next on stage was Billy Currington (That's How Country Boys Roll, Must Be Doing Something Right, People Are Crazy).



Then Zac Brown Band (Chicken Fried, Colder Weather, Free) performed. They really rocked it out on stage. The musicianship was AMAZING. The fiddle player WOWED me on The Devil Went Down to Georgia. It was crazy good.

They sang Highway 20 Ride.

Believe it or not, after a brisk and cloudy afternoon, 5 minutes before Kenny was to perform, the CLOUDS CLEARED and we had sunshine the rest of the evening, and later, a starry moonlit sky.

Kenny came flying through the air!

He was literally 3 feet away from us at one point!

He put on one heck of a show, bringing back old classics, such as Don't Happen Twice, Young, and She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy. He brought Zac Brown Band out later for an awesome rendition of Alabama's Dixieland Delight.

Kenny.

It was one crazy fun evening. There is not much better than a great concert with the love of your life.

Our feet are still killing us from donning our cowboy boots and our ears are still ringing. I was brought back to my roots of growing up a country girl. A farmer's daughter.

"Back where I come from, where I'll be when its said and done. I'm proud as anyone. That's where I come from." ~Kenny Chesney

Natural Remedies to Boost Fertility

NOTE: Please see the following links for natural remedies (and more to come!):
#1: The Basics
#2: Lifestyles of the Naturally Fertile
#3: Destressing

I need your help! I am looking for natural remedies for PCOS, irregular cycles, and imbalanced hormones. I was wondering if YOU knew of herbs, teas, foods, or yoga videos/exercises that can help to regulate menstrual cycles or hormones, and/or get rid of ovarian cysts.

If you would be so kind as to give me all the tips you know of and if you know of any spectacular books, blogs, or websites on this subject, I would be more than grateful if you would share your knowledge!

I hope to compile all the information I discover into a post in the future to share with all.
Thank you for your help and have a blessed Memorial Day and week!
~Jessica

Music Is My Refuge

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” - C.S. Lewis

Some days are more difficult than others. Some days the pain is just a glimmer of thought as I am dancing through life's highs and lows. But God protects me. He is my Friend. He is my Strength.

Sometimes I feel the closest to Him through song.

"Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise"
~Blessings by Laura Story

"We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah"
~Better Than a Hallelujah by Amy Grant

"He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me"
~How He Loves by David Crowder Band

"When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger"
~Stronger by Mandisa

I heart music. It relaxes me. It consumes me. It brings me closer to the God who made me.

I find the most meaning and deliverance through Christian music. But I have been all over the map with music I love. I grew up on 90s country (and still enjoy a good Zac Brown Band or Sugarland tune), converted to teen pop, then I had a phase of heavy rock, and college brought me all over the map with classical music, jazz, folk, oldies, and world music. Now I really enjoy the best of all there is out there. Music is my refuge.

Do you have any songs that you draw strength from or you feel were written for your circumstances?

I have plenty more. Trust me. Whenever Colin and I are driving somewhere together, pretty much like every other song I exclaim, "This is one of my favorites, Colin!"

And I turn the radio up just a little bit more.

Guest Post: Colin

Hi all,

As you might have guessed my name is Colin, and Jess is my beautiful wife. I am sure Jess has already told you all about our life together and how we met, so I will briefly go over a little about myself. I was raised in Washington state with my three brothers. My family owns and operates a bakery in Chehalis. I worked there for several years before I met my wonderful wife. Once I met Jess I gave up the life of cinnamon rolls and coffee cake, and I decided to move to Wisconsin to be with her.

Jess convinced me to pursue my dream in law enforcement. I worked for the Wisconsin Department of Corrections for four years before I went to work as a police officer. Through the years I have learned that Jess is more than my wife. She has been my sounding board and my best friend. She keeps me above ground when I feel like I am sinking. Especially in the line of work I am in.

Well that is a little about me, so lets get to your questions.

What attracted you to your wife?
We met online on a Christian chat room and it was love at first type…that is my attempt at humor. Jess actually found me and sent me the first message. We started sending e-mails and became really good friends. Because neither of us had profile pictures we really were talking to who knows who. We decided to send each other pictures, and as soon as I saw her I was hooked.

What is your ideal date night?
This question makes me feel like I am running for Miss America. My idea of a great date is doing something with Jess that is just the two of us. I like when Jess and I go out for lunch and coffee. Our usual spots are Olive Garden, Panera Bread, and Starbucks. I enjoy taking Jess to the movies. It doesn’t really matter what type of movie as long as we are together. Then the night will probably end with “Baby Dancing” (I am told that is what you all call it).

If money wasn't an issue, what's the best present you would buy for your wife?
This is an easy one. I would buy Jess the house she has always wanted, and adopt her a little girl from Ethiopia. I guess that is more than one gift but it really works together.

What is the best thing about being a police officer?
I love working in a job where people depend on me. I have always had this internal need to fix problems (something that drives Jess crazy sometimes). I love showing up on a call, assessing the problem and finding a solution. Whether that solution be an arrest or by simply being a mediator and working through people’s problems. I also am crazy enough to be attracted to the danger of the job (another thing that drives Jess crazy).

What is the worst thing about being a police officer?
Well, I would have to say that I hate that at some point I can’t do more. I have literally arrested the same people multiple times for the same crimes. I know that if they would only seek some type of help for their problems that they could have a normal life. But, I can only do what I can, and that unfortunately is not enough to reach some people.

　
How did you enjoy when Jess had a ride-a-long with you?
It was a great day! We didn’t have a lot of calls to go on but we did have fun. She got to see how I do a traffic stop and she got to run the computer all day (her favorite part). I hope that she wants to go again sometime.

What is your craziest cop story?
On Easter of this year I was called out to a house for a report that someone was trying to hurt himself. I was told that the person had a knife on them. When me and the other officers arrived at the house the guy shut the front door and locked it. Now, the door could only be opened by using the key from either side of the door. The person who was trying to hurt himself was the only person with the key. He had also decided to lock four other guys in the house with him. Myself and the other officers tried to talk the guy into coming out, but he would not. We decided that the only thing we could do was break down the door and get everybody out of the house. At this point we don’t know who is inside the house or what type of weapons were inside. Myself and the two other officers drew our guns and went to enter the house. One officer took a large axe and used it to breach the door. Once the door was open we went into the house. As soon as we stepped into the doorway we could see the four males standing in the front room. We had them get on the floor of the house and kept one officer covering them while me and another officer searched the house. We found the guy hiding in the bathroom. We got him out of the bathroom and handcuffed him. He was sent to the hospital for evaluation and then was transported to a mental health facility. During the transport the guy decided to shatter the side window of the squad with his side (major headache in the morning).

Why do you want to be a father?
I can’t describe why exactly I want to be a father. It should be easy to explain but it is not. The best I can say is that I want to teach my son to throw a football. I want to dance with my daughter and scare away all the boys that try to ask her out. Someday I want to shake my son’s hand on his wedding day. I want to walk my daughter down the aisle. And then eventually I want to hold my grandchildren.

　
What is the most difficult thing about your journey through infertility?
The hardest part of this journey has been watching what Jess is going through. I never like to see her hurting and there isn’t much I can do about it. This question will actually be answered in the next question.

We all know men are fixers. How do you handle watching Jess suffer infertility and not being able to "fix" it?
Like I said the hardest part of this has been to watch what Jess is going through. Men are raised with the idea that we need to solve any problem that comes our way. I particularly have the idea that any time Jess has a problem that I can “solve” it. Even though Jess has told me several times that she does not want me to solve the problem. As a man it is the hardest thing to be caught in a problem that we can’t solve. I have struggled with this because I realized a long time ago that I can’t fix this problem. No matter what happens I can’t fix it. To a man that is like being hit in the stomach.

Do you think your faith has made dealing with infertility harder or easier?
For me my faith has actually made dealing with this harder. The reason being I know that everything is by God’s plan. I also know that what happens is meant to happen. However, I have seen so many people that do not deserve to be parents getting pregnant and having 5 kids that they do not provide for. The cruelty of it makes it hard for me, being as Jess and I have done everything possible to be good, moral, responsible people.

What are your thoughts on medical intervention and God's will?
I feel like a lot of forms of medical help for infertility are very good. I know Jess and I are both open to trying different possibilities. But, I am not a fan of IVF or of donors. I just can’t see how IVF could be considered God’s will. I also don’t believe on someone else producing half of my child’s DNA. One reason I married Jess is because I wanted to have a family with her. I can’t see our child having only half me or half her and someone else. Now, we both want to adopt and I am so excited for that. But, to have a child of our own that was only half of us is not something I am interested in.

What type of outlets do you use to work through your emotions regarding infertility?
Unfortunately there are not many outlets that I know of. There is always talking with Jess, however a problem with that is that men and women handle emotions differently. Jess likes to talk about the emotional aspect of infertility, and I rather prefer to talk about the facts part of it. That meaning that I like to make plans about how to “fix” the problem (there is that word again). For men we don’t really like to talk about our emotions. It is difficult to put what we are feeling into words and express them to someone else. Don’t mistake that for not having any emotions regarding the issue. Men are just not comfortable with putting feelings into words. Especially if we feel we have to be strong for our wives.

Is there any blessing God has revealed to you through this trial?
Through this time in our marriage I have found a deeper appreciation for Jess. I have always tried to be the strong one in our marriage, but seeing all that she has gone through and how she is able to have the faith and the spirit that she does is inspiring. I can’t remember at any point of this journey her blaming God or being mad at Him for what was happening. Jess has managed to become even more wonderful than she was before we knew about what was ahead of us. Jess is truly my inspiration.

Well, that is about it. Sorry this post ran so long. I have enjoyed answering all your questions and letting you all into Jess’ and my story. If you have any more questions let Jess know and I will make sure to answer them. Thanks for reading!

Coming Soon: Guest Post by My Husband

Hi!

I have a proposition for all of you! Colin, my husband, is going to be doing a guest post for me! So, I wanted to know if you have any questions for him related to infertility and wanting to be a father, being a police officer, being a husband, or anything you can think of! Please ask away!

I am so grateful he is willing to do this and share his story. Maybe I will even learn something from him. :)

Also, I think there will be a post from me coming up soon recapping my journey through infertility. Colin and I have had some serious and emotional discussions lately about how badly we want to be parents, and have decided to search out an RE, get reevaluated, and discuss possible options for treatments, while adoption still weighs heavily on my mind as well. Do you have any questions for me you want answered? Be curious!

As you may or may not have noticed, I've been at a standstill lately about how to proceed in life in general. I've felt lost with the infertility issues and career direction as well. Any prayers for direction and clarity would be very much appreciated. Thanks!

Gardener of my Soul

Be the Gardener of my Soul
By Richard Foster

Spirit of the Living God, be the Gardener of my soul.

For so long I have been waiting, silent and still –

experiencing a winter of the soul.

But now, in the strong name of Jesus Christ, I dare to ask:
Clear away the dead growth of the past,
Break up the hard clots of custom and routine,
Stir in the rich compost of vision and challenge,
Bury deep in my soul the implanted Word,
Cultivate and water and tend my heart,
Until new life buds and opens and flowers.
Amen

Intuition

Shucks. AF came on Saturday, on CD 47! This is my longest cycle that I have ever been aware of. Amazingly, I was able to withhold testing. I am not sure what my feelings are. Disappointment, of course. Hesitation to believe I will ever be a mother. But I know God gave me a yearning for this for a reason. I know.

I am a very positive person, but this has been one aspect of my life I have been negative about. Not spiteful, but questioning why, when, how, etc.
When Colin and I first got married, we were both 21. I was in college and he had some college done, but had not yet started the police academy. We decided to "not" not try. This idea didn't even faze me as silly and naive, us being so young, with so much schooling ahead of us, and, well, not very financially secure at all. But, I just "knew" I wouldn't be able to get pregnant from the start.

I "know" I have no control over this (well, little control), but I have this intuition that just speaks to me. Over 4 years later, it has proven to be correct. Could be God, could be coincidence, but I think it is just intuition.

I definitely don't claim to know what is in my future, but I think one lesson God is trying to teach me is to never lose faith and to trust in Him and His almighty plan, and also to not hold back in life for something that I do not know when or how it will happen.
Sometimes this seems like an oxymoron...how do I have faith that it WILL happen, but not hold back my dreams and goals?

I think I have some major fear of making the wrong decision. Of not getting things done by the time I think I "need" to. So I hold back. I wait.

But I need to LIVE. I need to TRUST. I need to PRAY. I need to REST....