I just discovered this great website/blog: http://www.incourage.me/, (in)courage: home for the hearts of women. The most recent post is titled Waiting in My Wings by Stephanie Bryant. It is about waiting for motherhood and describes so much what I have been longing to hear. If you are waiting for motherhood, waiting for a loved one, or waiting for a miracle, please read this pasted below. I think we all can find some solace through it. I know I will be reading it again and again to remind me of 'why' I wait, and 'how' I can wait.
Waiting has been terribly sweet.
“Because sometimes in the waiting for what we long for, we praise God long when the gift comes at long last. Sometimes God has his people wait long, so our gratitude becomes deeper and wider.”
– Ann Voskamp, The Jesse Tree Journey
It was chosen for me – the waiting.
I choose my response.
I grew weary at the amount of “In God’s timing. . .” I’ve heard after these last 5 and half years of deep desire to be called “Mommy.” I know it’s true and best, but those words stirred up ugly responses, like a rake to my tender heart.
But God. . . He has shown me grace, a bent down hug when I stumbled into a pit. He gives me revelation that His perfect timing was not only for me, but my future children – His little children. That someday their story will be in the Book with Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Benjamin, Samson, Samuel, and John. All prayed for and believed for by their parents. All appointed for a miraculous time. All chosen before birth by Our Creator, to a specific job in The Kingdom.
All of these, the ones that were prayed for, longed for, waited for – they all point to Messiah – the One we all waited for. Who has come as promised and will come again. The waiting for His return is long-suffering, but Revelation imagery tells us is worth the wait. More-than-I-can-imagine worthy.
So I wait.
For my gut-wrenching prayers to bathe my sweet babes. . . of knowing, pleasing, revealing Our Father from birth to death, the moment of entrance matters. Every moment matters — the first cry, the best friend, the favorite teacher, the split second almost car wreck, the lifetime kiss that tingles, the True Love of Eternity, the life.
I can step back and know that my years of waiting are only a blink. A wink in the eye of The Lover of My Soul. I can – without seeing – love my children, bless them, and expect them. My first act as mother – to release them to God’s timing. All In God’s Timing.
So I wait.
God’s writers don’t share what these future Mamas, of such pivotal people like Jacob and John, did while they waited. I’m assuming they felt like me. Hopefully expectant, fingers white from gripping truth, faith like a roller coaster, with visions of family around their fire, knowing God will come through on His promises. . . struggling at moments, wondering if they heard correctly when their life looks so different from those surrounding them.
The Soul Counselor tells me it’s worth the wait – for us, for the child, for His Kingdom. The longer I wait the more hope God provides, the closer He becomes, and the more grand the praise is when our child arrives.
To be grouped in with women such as Sarah, Hannah, Rachel, Elizabeth and others is an honor. Friends, neighbors, and the town folk all knew their little miracle was from God. There were no other explanations.
But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly on wings like eagles. Isaiah 40:31
It’s an effortless moment to soar. Gliding on His plan-winds.
So, for now, I soar. On wings that God Himself has given. Him imparting strength and dignity, full of surprise and blessings. Moments planned when my Momma prayed for me.
I wait. Full of watchful, patient expectation. I trust God. . . and praise Him for the gift I can not yet see, but believe is coming.