Although hope has been glued to every cycle since we began trying to conceive (even the 3 months of birth control pills), the failed attempts have piled up and put an end to my imagination of pregnancy actually occuring. I used to dream of getting pregnant--figuratively and literally. I would come up with perfect baby names, decorate a nursery in my mind, think about what sports or instruments they may play, what they might look like, who they might become. Perhaps my subconscious is protecting me, but now I try not to let my mind wander too much into the unknown. I want to, but my mind does not let me.
In thinking about our womanly instincts of 'needing' motherhood, I have reasons to no end of why I want a baby. But honestly, it seems as if two of my top reasons do not even include 'me'. I want nothing more than to make Colin a dad. I know he is yearning for a baby. He wants to become a dad so bad, but I haven't been able to give that to him, and that hurts. I think it hurts more than all the reasons I want a baby for myself. I also can't wait for the day to make my parents grandparents.
What is/was your motivation for becoming a mother? Hands down, I can not wait to create/adopt a baby with the man I love and give God glory through whatever process He uses. But, I can't help but hunger for providing that dream for my husband and parents as well.
Until then, I will be praying He uses me and provides another purpose for my life. I pray He helps you find your purpose and grants you the desires of your hearts in His perfect timing. And when He does that for you and for me, it will be beautiful.