I can't wait to wait.
That's right. I am waiting IMpatiently for the moment that Colin and I are on the waitlist and officially waiting for a referral.
I have waited for a long time to begin our estimated 2+ years of waiting for our blessed referral.
It is great to be a little bit crazy.
This is my mind waiting for the wait:
We have tried to complete our education and dossier quickly, and now all we can do is wait on other people to do their portion. And wait. And wait. And wait.
I get a little angry about the said wait.
Are we not the most important family in their caseload?
(insert smile because I know this is not true, but I surely wish that it was!)
I witness beautiful Ethiopian babies coming home to their forever families.
It feels impossible that God has called ME to adopt.
It feels impossible that God is going to entrust ME with a baby!
Is two years enough time to prepare for parenting an adopted child?
I research books and blogs and studies about attachment, cocooning, hair, food, and everything else.
But will it be enough?
What if my baby doesn't attach to me?
What if I do not attach to my baby?
What if, what if, what if.
My husband gifts me with baby gifts to help me connect my heart with the reality that at the end of all this waiting there will be a child/ren that God chose for me to mother.
Seeing and feeling the precious tiny baby clothes and shoes, I get a little weepy about my baby/ies....are they born? Where are they? Are they being fed? Are they clothed? Are they safe?
Are they LOVED???
I love them. I pray for them. I daydream about them.
And all of this waiting?
It is God telling me that I WILL be a mother.
It is God saying that He has the strength I need.
It is hope, faith, and love.
It is He alone who gives rest.
And I rest in knowing that this journey is real.
This life of mine has a purpose.
My God is an Awesome God who has a perfect plan of love and redemption.
And He included me in His plan.