You are never too old to dream another dream or set a new goal. ~C.S. Lewis
I love this quote by C.S. Lewis. Sometimes I come up with excuses (both consciously and subconsciously), including that I am too old to begin something new, that are self-sabotaging.
Insecurity plays a big part in these excuses. Last year I read So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. It was such a great read and I should probably read it again someday and really delve into the truths of insecurity.
Beth says to think about a person (or multiple people) that you think really "has it together". Ex. "She is so blessed because she is skinny." Or "She is so lucky because she has the perfect family." Or "She has it really together because she has achieved financial success." What you fill in is your biggest insecurity. Interesting, huh?
I can think of a lot of insecurities I've got. One is balance. I want so badly to be able to balance life well: work, time with my husband, time with family, cleaning, sleep, cooking, exercising, laundry, and spending time with God.
I love managing. And I love doing all of these things for both myself and my husband and family. But it is difficult. And it is something I have been struggling with.
Colin has been so helpful lately. But I HATE to delegate tasks to him. I want so badly to be able to do it all. I feed off of multitasking, but yet, I wind up stressed in the end. I know I have to find a balance, and that will always be a work-in-progress. Like I said, Colin has been AMAZING. He has cooked so many delicious meals for us and cleaned our entire home. This evening, he took me out for mexican food and surprised me with a shopping trip to the mall! He even helped pick out a dress and two summer-y shirts for me. He has been such a blessing.
One thing I know I need to improve on is my wanting to have control in everything. I can be critical, I can get nit-picky, and sometimes I seem to have a comment for everything. Gosh, I wish I wasn't like this.
This leads me to wonder if I have been "controlling" my relationship with God. Am I controlling how much I let him work in me or through me? Am I only letting Him have pieces of me and holding the rest back because of insecurity? I want to be able to give my whole self to Him. He created me and died for me; now I want to live for Him.
I want to be able to say, "I'm not too old, I'm not too insecure, I don't want the control Lord. Take it from me. Let me offer my life to You. Use me for your purpose. Humble me. I trust You."