I have been feeling...restless.
The feeling is.....intricate and woven.
The feeling is.....whooshing left and right through the ventricles of my life.
The feeling is.....difficult to clarify.
Perhaps the unsettledness comes from the weave of routine.
Maybe it is because my heart is aching to become a mother.
And I know it will take years to adopt.
I am looking ahead to May, the month Colin and I are going to begin our adoption process.
Oh May, please come quickly.
Daily I feel twinges of, "Is it time?", almost like a child saying, "Are we there yet?" every 15 minutes.
I daydream of our children.
Big brown eyes, sweet curls.
Playing, taking a bottle, sleeping in our arms.
I want to feel settled.
But, C.S. Lewis reminds me that I will never fully feel settled.
Because we were made for another world.
And, it is an awe-inspiring, lovely, beautiful world.
No tears, Jesus said.