I was reading the October 2010 issue of Oprah's magazine and came across a short story called Mourning Has Broken. Summary on the main page: "In the weeks following his wife's miscarriage, Ian Wallach found himself adrift in a sea of floral arrangements and casseroles. A report on life after loss".
This story particularly struck me. This story brought tears to my eyes. This story perfectly framed the ups and downs, and ins and outs of infertility, miscarriage, and coping.
The last paragraph states, "In a parallel universe, I'm changing diapers and craving sleep, but in this one, the adoption process is under way, so somewhere there is, or is about to be, a child who will find his or her way to us, and we will all catch and protect each other. In due time, I'll rock back and forth, holding a swaddled child. In a whirlwind of joy, embarrassment, and hypocrisy, I may even shamelessly think that everything happens for a reason".
I have never miscarried (never been pregnant), so reading about the kaleidoscope of emotions, the hopes and failed hopes, the shock, the mourning period, and the new beginnings brought a new light to my eyes of just what someone who has gone through this sorrowful experience feels and endures. It taught me that sometimes the best thing to say is, "I don't know what to say. I love you. I'm here."
I love you women. You are all strong. You are all brave. You are all daughters of God, my sisters. And I am here for you. I am here to listen. I am here to give advice. I am here to learn from you. I am here to pray for you. I am here.
Great post. I went through those same feelings as we went through tests and prodding, IVF, and what then seemed like our happy ending, which ended in a miscarriage. Then we decided to adopt a new light was brought to us. Thanks for your prayers and know that I'm here for you too!
ReplyDeleteI love this post Jess and the lesson learned from the article. Something the best thing we can do for each other is just be here, and I think that's why this blog world of ours works so well, because that's exactly what we do each and every day. We are here for you as well. xoxoxoxx
ReplyDeleteGreat article. I agree, I feel very grateful that I have not had to endure the pain of miscarriage.
ReplyDeleteHappy Thanksgiving!
Thank you.
ReplyDeleteLovely post Jess. Thank you. Big hugs and Happy Thanksgiving to you this weekend. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh Jess....
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say that I relate to every word that Ian wrote. I've been there, I've lived that broken dream. No one can fully understand what miscarriage does to one's soul until they have lived the nightmare.
However, your new perspective on "what to say" is absolutely perfect. Offer love, as that is what we all need most.
And never discount not having ever been pregnant, as opposed to the pain of miscarriage. The pain is the same, miscarriage survivors grieve the little life they lost and those who suffer IF grieve the little life they so desparately long for.
Beautiful post
Much Love and Many Prayers for your Miracle...its coming :)
xxx