Guest Post: Colin

Hi all,

As you might have guessed my name is Colin, and Jess is my beautiful wife. I am sure Jess has already told you all about our life together and how we met, so I will briefly go over a little about myself. I was raised in Washington state with my three brothers. My family owns and operates a bakery in Chehalis. I worked there for several years before I met my wonderful wife. Once I met Jess I gave up the life of cinnamon rolls and coffee cake, and I decided to move to Wisconsin to be with her.

Jess convinced me to pursue my dream in law enforcement. I worked for the Wisconsin Department of Corrections for four years before I went to work as a police officer. Through the years I have learned that Jess is more than my wife. She has been my sounding board and my best friend. She keeps me above ground when I feel like I am sinking. Especially in the line of work I am in.

Well that is a little about me, so lets get to your questions.

What attracted you to your wife?
We met online on a Christian chat room and it was love at first type…that is my attempt at humor. Jess actually found me and sent me the first message. We started sending e-mails and became really good friends. Because neither of us had profile pictures we really were talking to who knows who. We decided to send each other pictures, and as soon as I saw her I was hooked.

What is your ideal date night?
This question makes me feel like I am running for Miss America. My idea of a great date is doing something with Jess that is just the two of us. I like when Jess and I go out for lunch and coffee. Our usual spots are Olive Garden, Panera Bread, and Starbucks. I enjoy taking Jess to the movies. It doesn’t really matter what type of movie as long as we are together. Then the night will probably end with “Baby Dancing” (I am told that is what you all call it).

If money wasn't an issue, what's the best present you would buy for your wife?
This is an easy one. I would buy Jess the house she has always wanted, and adopt her a little girl from Ethiopia. I guess that is more than one gift but it really works together.

What is the best thing about being a police officer?
I love working in a job where people depend on me. I have always had this internal need to fix problems (something that drives Jess crazy sometimes). I love showing up on a call, assessing the problem and finding a solution. Whether that solution be an arrest or by simply being a mediator and working through people’s problems. I also am crazy enough to be attracted to the danger of the job (another thing that drives Jess crazy).

What is the worst thing about being a police officer?
Well, I would have to say that I hate that at some point I can’t do more. I have literally arrested the same people multiple times for the same crimes. I know that if they would only seek some type of help for their problems that they could have a normal life. But, I can only do what I can, and that unfortunately is not enough to reach some people.

　
How did you enjoy when Jess had a ride-a-long with you?
It was a great day! We didn’t have a lot of calls to go on but we did have fun. She got to see how I do a traffic stop and she got to run the computer all day (her favorite part). I hope that she wants to go again sometime.

What is your craziest cop story?
On Easter of this year I was called out to a house for a report that someone was trying to hurt himself. I was told that the person had a knife on them. When me and the other officers arrived at the house the guy shut the front door and locked it. Now, the door could only be opened by using the key from either side of the door. The person who was trying to hurt himself was the only person with the key. He had also decided to lock four other guys in the house with him. Myself and the other officers tried to talk the guy into coming out, but he would not. We decided that the only thing we could do was break down the door and get everybody out of the house. At this point we don’t know who is inside the house or what type of weapons were inside. Myself and the two other officers drew our guns and went to enter the house. One officer took a large axe and used it to breach the door. Once the door was open we went into the house. As soon as we stepped into the doorway we could see the four males standing in the front room. We had them get on the floor of the house and kept one officer covering them while me and another officer searched the house. We found the guy hiding in the bathroom. We got him out of the bathroom and handcuffed him. He was sent to the hospital for evaluation and then was transported to a mental health facility. During the transport the guy decided to shatter the side window of the squad with his side (major headache in the morning).

Why do you want to be a father?
I can’t describe why exactly I want to be a father. It should be easy to explain but it is not. The best I can say is that I want to teach my son to throw a football. I want to dance with my daughter and scare away all the boys that try to ask her out. Someday I want to shake my son’s hand on his wedding day. I want to walk my daughter down the aisle. And then eventually I want to hold my grandchildren.

　
What is the most difficult thing about your journey through infertility?
The hardest part of this journey has been watching what Jess is going through. I never like to see her hurting and there isn’t much I can do about it. This question will actually be answered in the next question.

We all know men are fixers. How do you handle watching Jess suffer infertility and not being able to "fix" it?
Like I said the hardest part of this has been to watch what Jess is going through. Men are raised with the idea that we need to solve any problem that comes our way. I particularly have the idea that any time Jess has a problem that I can “solve” it. Even though Jess has told me several times that she does not want me to solve the problem. As a man it is the hardest thing to be caught in a problem that we can’t solve. I have struggled with this because I realized a long time ago that I can’t fix this problem. No matter what happens I can’t fix it. To a man that is like being hit in the stomach.

Do you think your faith has made dealing with infertility harder or easier?
For me my faith has actually made dealing with this harder. The reason being I know that everything is by God’s plan. I also know that what happens is meant to happen. However, I have seen so many people that do not deserve to be parents getting pregnant and having 5 kids that they do not provide for. The cruelty of it makes it hard for me, being as Jess and I have done everything possible to be good, moral, responsible people.

What are your thoughts on medical intervention and God's will?
I feel like a lot of forms of medical help for infertility are very good. I know Jess and I are both open to trying different possibilities. But, I am not a fan of IVF or of donors. I just can’t see how IVF could be considered God’s will. I also don’t believe on someone else producing half of my child’s DNA. One reason I married Jess is because I wanted to have a family with her. I can’t see our child having only half me or half her and someone else. Now, we both want to adopt and I am so excited for that. But, to have a child of our own that was only half of us is not something I am interested in.

What type of outlets do you use to work through your emotions regarding infertility?
Unfortunately there are not many outlets that I know of. There is always talking with Jess, however a problem with that is that men and women handle emotions differently. Jess likes to talk about the emotional aspect of infertility, and I rather prefer to talk about the facts part of it. That meaning that I like to make plans about how to “fix” the problem (there is that word again). For men we don’t really like to talk about our emotions. It is difficult to put what we are feeling into words and express them to someone else. Don’t mistake that for not having any emotions regarding the issue. Men are just not comfortable with putting feelings into words. Especially if we feel we have to be strong for our wives.

Is there any blessing God has revealed to you through this trial?
Through this time in our marriage I have found a deeper appreciation for Jess. I have always tried to be the strong one in our marriage, but seeing all that she has gone through and how she is able to have the faith and the spirit that she does is inspiring. I can’t remember at any point of this journey her blaming God or being mad at Him for what was happening. Jess has managed to become even more wonderful than she was before we knew about what was ahead of us. Jess is truly my inspiration.

Well, that is about it. Sorry this post ran so long. I have enjoyed answering all your questions and letting you all into Jess’ and my story. If you have any more questions let Jess know and I will make sure to answer them. Thanks for reading!