Although hope has been glued to every cycle since we began trying to conceive (even the 3 months of birth control pills), the failed attempts have piled up and put an end to my imagination of pregnancy actually occuring. I used to dream of getting pregnant--figuratively and literally. I would come up with perfect baby names, decorate a nursery in my mind, think about what sports or instruments they may play, what they might look like, who they might become. Perhaps my subconscious is protecting me, but now I try not to let my mind wander too much into the unknown. I want to, but my mind does not let me.
In thinking about our womanly instincts of 'needing' motherhood, I have reasons to no end of why I want a baby. But honestly, it seems as if two of my top reasons do not even include 'me'. I want nothing more than to make Colin a dad. I know he is yearning for a baby. He wants to become a dad so bad, but I haven't been able to give that to him, and that hurts. I think it hurts more than all the reasons I want a baby for myself. I also can't wait for the day to make my parents grandparents.
What is/was your motivation for becoming a mother? Hands down, I can not wait to create/adopt a baby with the man I love and give God glory through whatever process He uses. But, I can't help but hunger for providing that dream for my husband and parents as well.
Until then, I will be praying He uses me and provides another purpose for my life. I pray He helps you find your purpose and grants you the desires of your hearts in His perfect timing. And when He does that for you and for me, it will be beautiful.
Part of my motivation for being a mother is the bond between me and my husband, that we will raise a family together, even though we always say "we already a family." Another part is my own mother - such a central relationship in my life and my model of what a woman is. I always wanted to grow up and be like my mom. How can I if I am not a mom. I also love to teach and love on and nurture - I see it in the way I treat my stepdaughter and my dogs and other people's children and my hubby - I want little lives to love on.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by and leaving well wishes! I understand the yearning you have as I have been there many times. Praying and sending love and hugs your way!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I think we tend to put ourselves second when it comes to the ones we love most..and that's been the case with me lately. After the miscarriages, I was more concerned about my husband than myself. And now, as we continue to wait, it's hard because I know he was MEANT to be a Dad, and how much he wants it. But try not to lose hope or focus. You WILL be a mom!
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping over at For Your Tears. Did you read my post before the one you commented on. It talks about me wanting to be a grandparent. I do want that but more importantly I want my children to be happy. My sister has been a grandmother for 15 years! I always wanted to be a young grandmother, this year I will turn 60. I know that the waiting is very hard for you. God's time is not always our time. I pray your day will come soon and you get your blessing from God. I don't post very often on For Your Tears but you can read me often on Just Breathe. Hope your having a nice weekend.
ReplyDeleteMy motivation in wanting to be a Mother was to grow my family. And the most difficult thing was watching others achieve what I wanted so badly when things were not progressing for me. I wanted to "know" that love that everyone speaks of. My journey was long, although not as long as others, and I grew very tired. However, I continued to cling to HOPE and not lose sight of FAITH and knew in my heart that I would be a Mother...somehow, someway. IUI was our vehicle to success and we defied the odds...YOU WILL TOO, just don't give up :)
ReplyDeleteHUGS
I have so many reasons I want to be a mom. I think one of them, which is going to sound crazy, is I want to be part of the "mommy club". I want to join in conversations and lament over sleepless nights and not enough time. Of course I have the same desires you do with DH and my parents. (Those are bigger drivers than the mommy club, I promise.) But I am so tired of being the IF couple. I hope you find your happy ending as well. Thanks for commenting on my blog.
ReplyDeleteI know God has something great in store for you! We used to always dream those same things but I think our biggest reasoning was that we wanted to be parents to love and nurture a child.
ReplyDeleteThese are all great reasons ladies, and surely all I have felt myself. I want to be part of the 'mommy club' too. I hate all the, "Do you have children?" questions from strangers and, "When are going to have children?" questions from friends and family. And, I can't wait to love and nurture a child and to tell them of God's love for them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog. It's nice to "meet" you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful post. I feel like I'm so strong about my infertility until I look at my husband's pain. Then it's like my resolve just shatters. My husband is silently suffering, he won't talk about it except for a few rare instances but I know he wants children so badly and it hurts.
As soon as blogger stops being lame I will become a follower (hopefully right after I post this comment). For some reason the following pop up box wouldn't work for me real well. -sighs-
Anyways, now that I wrote a novel...HI! :)
Thank you for stopping by my blog. Infertility is such a hard journey, but it's also a faith strengthing journey. It took us 8 yrs to get to where we are. And through it all, we put our faith in God and kept believing.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the very best. Don't give up hope. I've signed up to follow your journey and will be praying for you!
Thanks for stopping by my blog, and leaving a message I really appreciate it. I look forward to start following yours
ReplyDeleteThank you for 'sweeping past' ;-) Since my DP already is a father that pain is very different, but for my parents, yes, that feeling is very much there. And as for wanting to be a mother? I think I've always *been* a mother, it's just that my children are missing.... (if that makes any sense to anyone)
ReplyDeleteThanks for popping in on my blog. I definately want to make by hubby a dad. I also just love, love, love children and want those wonderful funny moments as well as the tough ones for that great reward.
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